Many parents think that if they are close to their child, their child will naturally open up to them.
But after years of working with families and studying over 200 parent-child relationships, I’ve learned that closeness alone doesn’t always mean children will feel safe opening up.
Children are more likely to feel comfortable when they have confidence in what happens when they speak. Parents children continue to turn to – 7, 17 or even 27 – to create space for difficult conversations.
Here are seven things they do with their children from a young age.
1. They control themselves before trying to control their child
Children are more likely to open up when they are not worried about their parent’s reaction.
Parents who are more aware of their child’s heart have learned not to make their child’s emotions a problem to be solved or a threat to be managed.
Their children trust that they can bring heavy things home.
2. They share who they are
Many parents expect comfort from their children while revealing very little about themselves.
Parents with children who continue to discuss things around them do not hide the role of mother or father. Their children know what makes them happy, what stresses them out and what is important to them.
Children are more likely to share what’s on their mind when they don’t feel like they’re the only ones at risk.
3. They ask about feelings, not just performance
Many parents naturally ask about grades, sports, homework and accomplishments.
Parents whose children continue to open up ask different questions, and:
- “What did he feel so hard today?”
- “How did that go for you?”
- “What have you been thinking about lately?”
These questions show children that their thoughts and feelings need the same attention as their accomplishments.
4. They do not make some feelings acceptable and others unacceptable
Many parents have no problem accepting happiness and gratitude. Anger, jealousy, sadness and disappointment are another matter.
But children quickly learn which feelings are safe to share and which to hide. Parents who remain emotionally attached to their children do not expect them to always be happy. They make room for the full range of human emotions.
When children learn certain feelings are not acceptable, they often stop sharing them.
5. They fix after hard times
The parents I see who have close relationships with their older children know that they are not perfect. They apologize, revisit difficult times and take responsibility.
They will say things like:
- “I was too hard on you before.”
- “You don’t deserve that.”
- “Can we try that conversation again?”
Children need to know that relationships can withstand mistakes. Rehabilitation teaches them that it is safe to return after a conflict.
6. They don’t place their emotional needs on their child
I have worked with many children who focus too much on keeping the adults around them happy. They think carefully when revealing things, hiding mistakes or avoiding difficult conversations. This is because they do not want to offend them.
But a healthy parent-child relationship frees children from the responsibility of controlling adults’ emotions.
Children are more likely to open up when they know they won’t have to worry about everyone else’s feelings afterward.
7. They invite instead of asking
Parents often tell me, “I ask questions, but my child only gives me one-word answers.”
Asking too many questions is usually not the answer. Children are more comfortable when they feel genuinely curious about their thoughts and experiences—not when they feel like they’re being discussed.
Parents who know more about their children’s lives create opportunities to talk. They share stories about their day, spend time together without an agenda, and make it easy for their kids to talk when they’re ready.
Those little moments help kids see you as someone they can turn to, even when conversations get tough.
Reem Raouda is an experienced parenting coach, speaker and author dedicated to one core idea: that loving your child and making them feel safe are not the same thing. She is the founder of The Safe Mom and founder of Safe Mom Masterclasshelping parents raise emotionally healthy children with emotional safety, communication, and self-awareness. Find him open Instagram.
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